returning
to
where
i’ve
never
been

returning to where i’ve never been is cát nguyên’s debut poetry zine, documenting their journey since their grandma’s passing as well as their physical and spiritual return to their homeland, after having been born and raised in the West.

This poetry zine is the culmination of lifetimes of love. It was originally meant to be a love poem dedicated to both bà & cát nguyên. Yet, it was bà who taught them how limitless love can be. They are therefore comforted in knowing that by honoring her & their relationship, cát nguyên is also sharing what they inherited from her.

The 84-page poetry collection is an odyssey that began with grief. For years, cát nguyên sifted through strings of incense before bà’s altar, contemplating the cruelness of this world, trying to make sense of it all. They wept & sang, drowned & dreamed until one day, the smoke finally cleared.

returning to where i’ve never been is a hand-stitched, mud-stained, mangosteen-dyed, and cigarette-kissed poetic performance on paper. It is the act of bà & myself defying the linearity of time & space to find each other again & again.

This poetry zine is as permanent as impermanence itself. It is unconditional love.